I was talking with the Lord, about many things, since this is my dedicated prayer and study day, and I found myself talking to God about myself. I earnestly try not to focus on myself. It is always better to consider others first, for many reasons. But today, my weakness broke through.
I feel like I’m coming down with something and I really, really, don’t want bronchitis again this year. My joints ache with the cold that came too early this year. The cat is driving me nuts today with his need to be on me or near me all the time – why can’t I have a dog, one that when you say “go lie down!” it does. So it was inevitable that my out loud words would sound like this: “Lord, I need something here. I don’t know what comes next in life, this is not at all what I saw my life being, even three months ago. I am no good at anything anymore. I can’t do the things that used to give me such pleasure. I don’t get to see family or friends very often. When friends do want to get together, I can’t join in for any number of reasons. I’m alone and getting old and ….”
He listened, He is Father after all. And then I got that sense of, “are you done wallowing now?” That always makes a believer feel good…not. So I apologized, told him I trusted Him, and acknowledged I was focusing too much on my wants, even if they were tied up with my needs, and not focusing on the things I can, and should be doing to further His kingdom and demonstrate His Love in this harsh world. After all, isn’t His strength made perfect in my weakness?
So instead of the clouds and snow and very cold for October weather the last few days, I choose to rejoice in the sunshine we were given today. I choose to rejoice that this cold spell won’t last, but more normal weather is headed this way. I choose to rejoice that I can still sit at a computer and confess my weaknesses, give Him glory for steering me in the right direction, and hope that others will recognize that His Grace, and Mercy, and Love is there, not only in good times but in the woe is me times, and that it is His strength that gets us from one breath to the next.
So I did my part to begin the change in the day. I babied the cat for a few minutes until he was satisfied and found a box or something to hide in. I put heavy socks on. I took some ibuprofen. I used vapor rub. I drank some hot chocolate. I am ready to stop feeling sorry for myself and see how else the answer to my “I need something here” prayer will change my day.
It’s no wonder we need a Savior.