Yesterday started out to be a good day. The daily morning devotion from the church is always encouraging. I got some things done online, did some research, worked on the novel rewrite, emailed with a good friend, talked on the phone with another good friend, so my Friday looked to be just fine.
All things I could mark off my to-do list. But as the day wore on, and the cloudiness and the damp mist or fog or whatever remained, and more negative news for this area about the Coronavirus was shared, the good began to wear off. I drank too much coffee. My food choices were not good. I made myself finish the chapter one rewrite and then adamantly gave up on any writing, thinking it was just a waste of time anyway. No one wants to read my stuff, whether in book form or blog form.
My head started hurting. My stomach hurt. My joints ached. My shoulder hurt.
Getting the picture? Instead of being grateful for all I had to do, all the things that were good in my life, my eyes got off the Giver and moved to me. All I could focus on, and subsequently elevate, were things not at all pleasant in my world.
I couldn’t even watch television, faith-based or not, without cynicism rising. At seven o’clock I put the PJs on, threw a cover over me, sat in the old chair and tried again by taking advantage of a free month of Hallmark movies I was offered. (Streaming on my Roku) Only I didn’t want to watch romances. Or mysteries. Sigh. I settled on the Signed Sealed Delivered shows because at least the main character is a believer and within fifteen minutes I’d fallen asleep.
I missed the church’s evening devotion and prayer. I missed at least three episodes of the show. I woke up once coughing, with a tight, heavy chest and sore throat. For a moment I was sure I had the Coronavirus, and then the cat shifted a little and was more on the shoulder (yes, the sore one) and not right on the chest. Sigh.
I prayed a quick “God, don’t let me get sick” and went right back to sleep, still in my chair. At midnight I got up and moved to the bed, and went right back to sleep. I got up at three-thirty, watched the devotion I’d missed the night before, drank my hibiscus tea and ate some cereal. My stomach still hurt so I wasn’t going to have coffee. And my head and joints were still screaming and I still felt like life was just not good. I moved to the chair, pulled up YouTube to catch some other church things I’d missed and I went right back to sleep. (Sorry guys, I’ll catch them again later.)
This time I slept until eight-thirty, still dragging but determined, since the weather lady had promised sunlight, even though it was still cloudy and foggy, I was not going to fall into the tricks the enemy was throwing at me. I made some coffee, I made my bed, I sat down just in time to catch the morning devotional, and the sun came out.
Today is going to be a good day. Not because I determined it to be so. Not because the sun is shining. Not because the body no longer feels like it’s falling to pieces. Not because all that sleep was catching up after a couple of short nights. (I think it was God’s way to stop the mind from digging a deeper pit) I’m almost 64, I have to expect some of these things. Not let them control me, but work within the parameters I’ve been given. Which is why I write, because that I can do. Which is why I do online studies. Which is why I love the devotions and studies many churches offer.
No, it’s not going to be a good day because of what I think, or what I can do. It’s going to be a good day because God has promised His mercies are new every morning. Because He has promised He will always be with us. Because He cannot lie, so I can trust Him when He gives me promises. The Bible is full of them. They are life savers at times when all things seem to be going downhill faster and faster.
If you feel yourself slipping into a pit, or darkness, or anything that isn’t your norm, pray. Read your Bible. If you don’t have a book of promises, I’d suggest you get one. They are a quick way to find promises for your situation. Get your eyes off of yourself and contact someone somehow, vital in these days of isolation. Divert your mind with a decent show or movie. Or just take a nap. We are an overworked people, even if we aren’t physically working, our minds are still going at a break-neck speed sometimes. Don’t beat yourself up. God knows. God still loves you. God is still there to be your strength in troubled times. Trust Him.
Take care of yourself. You are the beloved of God. – Vicki