The last “normal” blog was published on Aug. 23. It seems like a lifetime ago. And, in a way it has been. These two months of preparing to move, having more serious mobility difficulties return, getting moved, and starting the long process of sorting and deciding what goes where, has been, at the very least, a learning experience. And I’m not looking for sympathy. I’ve lived long enough to know sometimes things just go wonky. It does no good lamenting something that passes with time.
I stopped working on my novel even before then and had to stop some of my online classes because of the computer being packed away. And then I found out when I moved that my internet service didn’t come to my new location, so the search for a new service, and an internet connection, though easy enough, still took time.
It amazes me how dependent we can be on time, wanting, even needing it to work in our favor. It can almost become an obsession in our efforts to make things work out within our chosen framework of time. A framework “we” decide is necessary. Something that can be way too stringent, or way too loose. Forgetting that to God, time is nothing. He lives outside of His creation of Time.
I admit I am very time oriented. I need schedules. Otherwise, I lose focus, not just on my writing, but on my studies, housework, and on relationships. I need to know ahead of time if someone is going to arrive. I don’t handle spontaneity well. Time alone is my fuel and sudden disruptions can quickly draw my energy from me. And if you add to that those who stay longer than expected, there can be painful physical reactions. From my research, I know that sort of thing is common with introverts, and as I am an introvert and an HSP, I spend a lot of time alone, happy to be doing so. It is just my reality, and people who want to sympathize, or act like I have a disease or mental health issue, or shower me with solutions to what they perceive as my problem, well, I am not going to spend much time with them. I spent years never sharing anything about the “real me” because of the reactions I got from people. It led to some health issues that I thought I had to just push through because I wasn’t normal. But God told me it was time to stop hiding, time to be transparent.
Being transparent and open doesn’t mean telling all to everyone. That’s spending too much focus on self for all the wrong reasons. Something way too easy to slip into with social media, and like everyone I sometimes slip and God convicts me and I pull away. But I don’t hide anymore. He knows exactly who I am, He created me for a purpose, one of which is sharing as He leads on this blog. He has shown some of those things I once saw as proof that something was wrong with me are things I can now consider gifts. Gifts that have led me to minister greatly to people. I am grateful!
I love people. I love spending time with people. And yes, I know it sounds like I’m disqualifying what I just shared. But the reality is, as much as I love being alone, need to have alone time, I love and need to be with people. In short spurts. With time in between. I’m a better person for that, and much nicer to spend time with. These last two months have shown me in a profound way the power of connecting with people. Accepting help. Accepting their time. Accepting, and understanding in a greater way God’s Word in saying we are not to forsake the gathering together. For encouragement and edification. For learning more about ourselves as well as others. For thankfulness that as the world gets further from God’s Word, we can remain a part of a worldwide family whose Father is God.
Some people can’t gather regularly at a physical church. At this point in my life, I’m one of them. But we can connect via online church services, prayer teams, and various communication forms. We can connect by having Bible studies in our own homes, or joining in a study at someone else’s home. We need to use the time we have available to focus on God, on the guidelines He’s given us to live our lives and care for our loved ones. To learn to demonstrate and teach the truth that can lead others to Saving Faith and the joy in becoming part of God’s family. The truth is, my friends, the time is coming when we won’t have the easy choices we have now.
And so, you’ve seen where my mind and heart have been over the last two months. Next week, hopefully, the blog won’t be so long.